Stewing in my juices

Ok, I don't know what it is. Most likely has something to do with the recent lessons in the fragility of life, the temporary (time-based) nature of everything dear, but I'm getting little done art-wise. At least overtly. Still trying to get my life routines back on track and keep being derailed. I'm trying so hard to "be here now" but do have expectations that I make plans and stick to them, too. Reconciling those disparate ideas is a challenge right now.
The gift of menopause is supposed to be the clarity and intensity of feeling, unrelieved by the previous experience of three weeks out of four spent all docile and accomodating. Got it. I've got the unrelieved intensity. Unfriendly "friends" are being jettisoned. Room for new friends is being readied. Ideas for paintings are written down. Conversations are deeper. I become more transparent. Clutter is boxed up and moved out. I've been home six days and I haven't painted a lick. Did those portrait sketches Tuesday, but haven't painted. A friend died while I was in Phoenix. The services were over before I returned. Her voice is on my voice mail. She was younger than I.
I'm feeling such an urgency to not waste a moment. Not miss anything. Not squander my time with anyone, anything not infused with love and authenticity. Hot flashes wake me and I jot down the images which are delivered simultaneously. All I can do is pay attention to it all and allow the transformation as it happens. The painting will come soon, I know.

Day at River Art Gallery

Today was my day-a-month to work at the gallery in La Villita. A constant stream of tourists taking in the sights of San Antonio, looking to take images of Texas back to the cold states they're escaping. I just adore the four women artists I work with each month. Two watercolor painters, a woodworker/sculptor and a jewelry maker. I leave there happy to have been in their company all day. Even though the stream of tourists turned into a river toward the end of the day, the first part of the day was s...l...o....w. I was stir crazy after straightening all the paintings on the wall. I'd brought along a little sketch book and good pencils so I got each of my friends to sit for a portrait. What a treat! Simple, but detailed pencil drawings are such a luxury for me. I loved it. They each took theirs home and I was more content. Ahhhh.

This weekend I'll find out the outcome of the two exhibitions I have paintings in. In the meantime, I'm working on the oil commissions. Or at least I will be. I've been just putting things back in some kind of order since returning from Phoenix. Calls back home to Mom and Dad reassure me that things are good and getting better there. Ahhhh.

Mom's Amazing... On my way home.

Here's a peek at my Alive-And-Well mom. This is from this morning after a command domino game (my brother and I complied) when she was going to work on a crossword puzzle. She realized she was pooped after I took this picture, so the puzzle still awaits our attention. Since then she's been relieved of her catheter, has sat up and stood up on her own with a walker in front of her, pulled her knees up to her waist a few times, sat back down and got herself back in bed without help. Wow! While I was gone on an electronics errand this afternoon she took a walk around her bed, used the potty chair and walked back! I wish I could've watched. This is incredible stuff. It winds her pretty much, but she's doing it.
My daughter and I are heading back home tomorrow and it looks like my brother can remain another day, so Dad and Mom will be on their own Sunday morning. I hate to leave, but it's time for them to figure this out as a couple. I heartily support them and will have to do that without hovering.
Thanks to all who've sent notes of support!
Susan

Mom's on the UPSWING!

Absolutely amazing. Mom's made incredible progress in the last couple of days and so much feels like normal. Lots of laughing, for instance. I think we're out of the dark woods now and the woman who was written off as dead is very, very much alive. I feel completely giddy with the relief and gratitude. She may have some deficit to her energy and stamina in the future, but her spirit is strong and centered on the earth plane for now. We look at each other and our throats well up with it. Today marked one week since her heart attack and no one can believe she's sitting up in the hospice-ordered hospital bed in her bedroom playing dominos (three games) and gin rummy (two games). She ate really well today and walked all the way to the bathroom ( 25 feet) holding my dad around his neck as he walked backwards. Even two days ago we were still bracing ourselves for her spirit to decide to cross on over. Today I feel relaxed with an assumption of her continuing on here. Thank all of you who've lended their shoulders and good wishes.

Art not the focus just now

My mother had a heart attack Wednesday morning and my daughter and I drove immediately to Phoenix to see how we could help her and my dad. It's been a long hard several days, but she's home and hanging in there. The doctors held no hope for her survival and couldn't do anything to help, so we've taken her home under hospice's care. She's still deciding if she wants to go or stay and we are going to support her either way. She's had bright, funny, love-filled miracle moments and she's suffered some dark ones, too. My sister flew out Thursday night and my brother drove in this morning, so she has a circle of love around her. Her special women friends have come to the hospital and here to the house to see her and it means the world to her. She discovered bridge and dominos a few years ago and the friends she plays with are very dear to her.
Well, this is just a note to explain my lack of entries. Will write more later. Susan

Worked on the boy's face today

What a great day! My friends Mary and Donna and I spent the day painting and talking. Perfect combination. I made some progress with the boy's face today. Still has so much more to be done. I figure another couple of weeks if I keep at it pretty steadily.

I'm looking forward to the workshop with Susan Ogilvie is March 24th-26th. By then a good landscape will be fun.

FACET show in Austin

The Austin Pastel Society put out a call for volunteers to staff a booth given to us at this art show in order to demonstrate painting in pastel. I signed up for 12-5 today and had a good time talking with people and working on a portrait of my sister, then later of a fellow I took pictures of a couple of weeks ago at the Coppini. They got a bit smudged on the ride back home since I had to stack them. So tomorrow I'll finish them up and post them and then get back to working on the kids. Toward the end of the day I got to walk around visit several friends' booths and see their new paintings. I'm so glad I finally came out of my artist shell and joined some groups. I've met the nicest people.... MY people. I wonder at my isolation all those years.

Sure have spent a lot of time driving lately. Except for painting in Boerne with Donna and Mary on Tuesday, I should be close to home this week.

I need to pick a weekend this summer in order to offer a two-day workshop to those who've been asking. If anyone has a preference of dates, let me know!

A little progress on the children

Got a little more blocked in. Only raw canvas left is where her arms are. Everything needs much, much more, but I like the shapes so far. It's nice working on this Pintura portrait-weave stretched canvas. Very tight and smooth.

I'm playing in the pastels tomorrow.

Beginning of oil commission

This is the first block-in of the portrait of the beautiful children I'm doing. I spent a few hours on Saturday working on it. Nothing's accurate yet, but I feel good about the start. They're lying in grass with a background of plants, so they're in a sea of green. I'm going to enjoy this one.

My daughter and I drove up to Austin yesterday to deliver my paintings to the Austin Pastel Society's annual exhibition. We stayed and helped to hang the show. Lots of great paintings this year. Stopped an Guerro's on South Congress for dinner on the way home and had ok food and abysmal service, but I got some photos of some of the dishwashers on a dinner break which might become a painting down the line.

Photo from demo in Austin

Jo Castillo sent me images and little .avi movies of my demo in Austin last month. Thank you, Jo! I like this one.

Friday I drove up to Marble Falls with Diane Manousos to spend the day painting with Kim Roberti, Donna Bland and Patricia Lyle. I worked on the portrait of the two beautiful children. Got a good start on it, I think. Getting real talk time with Diane was great. Kim played a DVD for us of John Asaro's work. It was my first introduction to his paintings. Wow. She let me borrow the DVD, her book of his paintings and her book of Dan McCaw's paintings. I've been swimming in the images and feeling the knobs turning in my mind, focusing a little keener on my own ideas. I'm like the kid in the Disney commercial who says, "I'm too excited to sleep." If I didn't need to drive up to Austin tomorrow to take the paintings to hang for this year's exhibition, I'd be squeezing big piles of paint out on my palette right now. But I'm going to go try to sleep some and get started on something tomorrow afternoon when I get back.

Award and Painting of ceramic pot and stones

This is a 9"x12" oil painting on panel which I did today while 'working' at River Art Gallery. I may work on it a bit more tomorrow when I can look at it again fresh.

The photos of me were taken by a visitor to the gallery named Rosemary. She emailed them to me this evening. Thanks, Rosemary!

I came home to find a postcard from the San Antonio Art League saying my painting, "Caldo" not only was accepted into the show, but has won an award of some kind. Way cool! Wah HOOOO!

Back to the painting of the pot and stones- I managed to get my paints, palette, brushes, table easel and panels down to RAG, but forgot to bring a photo of something to paint. So I scoured the gallery for something to paint and came up with this glazed pot, three river stones from the jewelry case, and a blue towel I'd used to wrap my paintings in for transport. I set up on the porch in the most perfect weather. Tourists from Vermont were walking around in thongs and short shorts grinning ear to ear and looking like cats who'd eaten canaries. I love the other artists I work with on my one-day-a-month down there. All hail to Donna, Kathleen and Tina! We missed you today, Mary!

Raced home for the Valley Forge Residents Association meeting and then home to watch American Idol and Amazing Race. Ain't life grand?

Leave me a message if you will, please!

Caldo delivered!

Becky came down from New Braunfels with her three entries to the San Antonio Art League exhibition, picked me and my solitary entry up and drove us down to King William Street to deliver the paintings. Ahhhh....... So glad to have that done.
Now that Caldo's done I can start on the first of the Lincolns and the portrait of the two beautiful children. Their mom came in yesterday with her newest child, Kyler, also just a stunningly beautiful baby at 8 weeks old.
I must've picked up some stomach bug. Haven't eaten today. The idea of food makes me nauseous. Thank goodness THAT doesn't happen very often. I've got the achey muscles and marked fatigue that goes along with flu but I don't want to concede the point.
Back to bed.....

Done?

Well, I'm going to leave this 'til morning and frame it then if it still looks ok to me.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

more Caldo for Lunch

Still plugging away at this one. Parts of it I just love. Parts still call for change.

Am I the only one who finds this an interesting image?

Artist of the Month

Been working on Caldo today. Really. In between patients. This is the photo Louis Mar took at Coppini on Sunday of Morning Flight (and me). At least the only glare is on my glasses, not the painting.

Bonnie Raitt gets to see me tonight. I'll bet she's excited! I know I am.

Increased visual art consumption good for soul.

(Ron Rencher demonstrating a still life oil painting at the Coppini Academy this afternoon)
I spent Saturday with my artist friend Becky at the Greenhouse Gallery soaking up the new paintings and watching several oil painters do demonstrations of portraits and landscapes. I got to see several other artists I've met in one league or society or another, too. I'd like to see a painting or two (or ten) of mine on those walls someday. A small David Leffel still life had a red dot (sold) on its tag. A mere $40,000., my dear. Many red dots from that day alone, I'm sure.
Today I took my newly framed "Morning Flight" to the Coppini to let it compete with 5 other paintings at the monthly meeting for "Artist of the Month." It won! The honor comes with a blue ribbon and a nice check. Very swell. Ron Rencher did a still life demo for the meeting. It was great to hear him think aloud about his process and what he keeps in mind as he paints.
I also met with the friend who's commissioning the Abraham Lincoln paintings. We got colors figured out and the canvases have arrived. Each of the four will be 18"x18." So as soon as I get the Caldo painting completed I can start. I also had a new commission come in- an oil of two children picking dandelions in a field with a West Texas landscape behind them. I'm really going to enjoy that.
After a three or four weeks of an uncomfortable absence of direction, I feel excited again. I made a few people wonder if I'd fallen out of this dimension while I was turning circles at home. I got my house in order during that time... literally... and now have clear surfaces, alphabetized CDs, an organized underwear drawer AND artistic direction! You just can't beat that with a stick.

My prescription for anyone wanting a soul thrill while waiting for Spring to arrive:
Get your nose within 24" of the paintings in two good galleries or one good museum, sit knee to knee with a happy friend and tell life stories over good coffee and organize your underwear. Toss out the old! Fill with the new! Fold neatly and smile.

I just couldn't leave it alone. I spent a little time yesterday removing the unnecessary highlight from the jar, refining the page edges in the center front, darkening the shadow side of the painting frame, touching up edges in general. I like it better. Spent part of yesterday building a frame out of two separate frames for the Morning Flight painting. Got the nonglare glass for it this morning, so I'll assemble it in a while and see if I can post a picture of it framed. My sister helped me talk through an issue I was having with the Caldo painting, so I'm eager to get busy on that one again, too. Becky suggested starring the Mont Blanc fountain pen in another painting. Love that idea! This time showing it's cute little star on the cap's end, maybe. First things first. Frame Morning Flight, finish Caldo and frame, THEN fountain pen. A friend is commissioning four paintings of Abraham Lincoln, semi-Warhol-style, to be displayed in a two-over-two format in their living room. Her partner is a Lincoln expert/appreciator and they're going for a more contemporary style. I'm slightly trepidacious with the process of translation of what the commissioner sees in her head into words which convey the image, which I then translate the verbal picture into paint in order to match the mental image. Hmmm. Wish me luck.

This is how I spent my Sunday afternoon. I set this up yesterday and then started in on it this afternoon. My friend Sherrie is coming over after her dinner to paint with me. Guess we'll set up something new. I had intended loose. It got tighter and tighter as I went along. Ah, well. I like it, anyway. I got out my Mont Blanc fountain pen a couple of days ago and spent over an hour getting the old dried ink out and new ink in. Wrote a couple of letters just to feel the luxury of it again. It's a lot of trouble- getting the right flow, dealing with the skips, etc., but there's nothing like the line a fountain pen makes.
I'm having a real issue with putting objects right smack in the middle of a painting. I mean to not do that.... really, I think about it. But here's a painting with the ginger jar smack in Kansas. By Golly, the next painting will have no centered objects! So there.

Painting again!

Mary and Donna came and painted with me today in the studio. I loved it! It took a while to set up a still life arrangement in a cardboard box with black fabric inside behind the objects, and of course we had to take some time for lunch and talking, but all together I imagine we painted 3 1/2 -4 hours. So good to have company while painting. This will need more work, but for now I'm going to let it sit and will look at it again later.

We already have a paint day planned for next month. Next MONTH???? Now that the studio is clean and organized, I'll have to call up artist friends to come play with me while the weather is so perfect. In the meantime I can put on the TV for company, I guess.
Now a nap......

Two weeks later....

Wow... It was two Thursdays ago that I wrote the last post. I've done very little art since then. I did get a start on the Caldo painting and last Thursday I spent the afternoon teaching 11-14 year olds how to draw in Wimberley, TX at an afterschool arts program. I've been spending my time cleaning. Organizing. Mulling, swirling in place, ruminating. I'm reading Caroline Myss' "Sacred Contracts" and doing the work involved to tune in more clearly on what I'm here to do.
The woman who lived next door to us when I was a small child, Charlotte, and who adopted my sister and me as her surrogate daughters (as she had a houseful of boys), died last Friday. She was 83 or 84 and had been living with a neurological disorder which appeared in her late 60's and which incapacited her left hand (she was left handed) and finally kept her from walking or calling people. She'd asked to die at the end, I'm told. Three years ago she'd told me the story of having gone to visit her mother's grave when her children were small. She experienced a visitation from her mother while there in the form of the feeling of a hand pressing down on the top of her head so strongly it resulted in her feet leaving indentations in the ground, as a way to answer a question Charlotte was asking in her mind at the time about how her mother had felt dying and leaving her children behind. We talked, too, about her other experiences with the spirits of people she'd lost. The Friday she died both my sister and I were thinking of her. Patty was in Africa at the time. I heard days later Charlotte had died that day. I feel pretty certain she wafted through to say goodbye on her way home to her mother.
The last two days I've been digging out the studio getting ready for two artist friends who are coming in the morning to paint much of the day. We work together at the River Art Gallery and are looking forward to playing in the oils. Both of them do watercolors primarily. Donna worked in oils for years but hasn't in a long time. Mary's newer to oils but is taking to the medium easily, in my humble opinion. I love being with these women and am looking forward to playtime together. Tonight I bought fruit and veggies and flowers to see what sort of still life arrangements we can make.
I checked my blog fairly often these last two weeks for comments, but with the exception of Darling Becky, you all who dropped in were stealthy. Please leave a comment when you come by! I promise to reply.
'Night All.